Spring Break and Needing to Write

 Writing has been slow lately because so many other things in my life have been keeping me busy, and then when I have had time, I just wanted to turn my mind of and read someone else's books instead of working on mine.

Amazon Author Page link:  http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B004458ES2

Goodreads http://www.goodreads.com/author/dashboard 

 But spring has arrived and my husband had his spring break 2 weeks ago, so this week when my school is on our break, I haven't got a lot distracting me, and delving back into the active word generating is appealing again.  It is something many other writers share with me, that the ideas seem to blossom when you are away from the keyboard and yet when you sit down to write you struggle to find one or two words at a time.  My theory is that my story generating state is a lot like my pre-sleep state, because I come up with the best ideas just as I am drifting off to sleep and I have to get up right then and write them down or all I will remember in the morning is that I have forgotten a great idea.

Spring here is generating new growth and encouraging me to get outside, even though there is pollen everywhere stinging my eyes and making my skin irritated, the beauty makes me want to create as well.

Usually I work about three days a week as a substitute teacher and the rest of the week I can write, do chores and try to sell my books. Now I have started a long term class of 4/5th grade students, so I am busy all the time, but getting to do some really cool things.  We are gong on a three hour sail on a tall ship, and I get to actually reach my Double time on the Oregon Trail book as part of the curriculum here for both American History and reading.  When Del Norte County Schools Director of curriculum approved the use of my novel, I had no dream that I would actually be in a 5th grade class to teach it.

So along with writing, and trying to lesson plan, and spring clean and get ready to be a grandma soon, I am also going to the beach and to the drive-in movie and puttering in the yard.  Life is good, and if you care to read one of my books check out the links above, and please, add a review if you have time.

Only So Much Imagination

 Lately I have been wondering why the very idea of writing, which I love, makes me feel blank and stalled and like weeping.  I stare out the window and finally jump up and grab a mop or my camera or my car keys and head anyplace but the keyboard.

 Looking at my life at the moment however, reveals a simple answer and gives me permission to tell myself that this is temporary and I can relax about it.

 I usually substitute teach, and yet I have been subbing full time for the last quarter of this school year, in a very difficult class with 8 students and 7 assistants to deal with.  I love the kids, but they kick, pinch, bite and spit on me.  I love the assistants but they need directing, and have schedules to balance and inter-relationships that work or not as the situations come up.

 I have been struggling to create situations at school where everyone gets along without feeling stressed to the point of exploding and honestly, that requires a lot of imagination. And I have been creating art projects to teach them and doing my own 365Project photography, and dealing with a very broke time of our life. Money and old everything, house, cars, clothing add stress and require more creative solutions.

My husband and I just had our 29th anniversary and our hundredth battle over my own agoraphobic tendencies.  I love that guy and his patience with me, but his patience tends to evaporate just when wqe are most overwhelmed and my courage is at its lowest, of course.

 Then I have aging Mom and aging friends and suddenly everyone I care about seems to have health issues to deal with, and my kids are young, just post high school adults who need support as the parents also need it, and that requires more imagination and a lot of love and patience, and exhaustion.

Yeah, I know, It is not called the sandwich generation without cause. I just wish my sandwich had less jam right now.

Some days I don't even consider writing, or promoting the three books that are out there neglected, on the shelf.  Then I feel guilty. Everything makes me feel guilty lately.  Then I get a exhausting day, and I'm walking out to my car and a teacher tells me, "Hey, our bookclub wants to pick your book to read. The Oregon Trail one?  Would you be up for coming to talk to us, Say in October?"

I smile, and laugh and say, "I'd be honored."

and realize once again, that everything that exhausts me, also recharges me in a wonderful cycle.

Life IS Good.

October is a Season of Steadfast Change

 In october you can feel the change in the air.  Every day is different than the one before.  Every Friday night gets dark quite a bit earlier than the one before it. It can be over 100 degrees where one member of the family lives while another is telling you that the temperatures dropped 65 degrees overnight and they have snow.

 Spring flowers get confused and sneak in a few new blooms while fall flowers start to show their glory and the leaves begin to outshine them all.  Fruits are plentiful and free in their abundance but already beginning to over-ripen.  The warm blackberry scented air starts to carry the smell of decaying leaves and fermentation.

"I - L- Y combined in sign language says, I Love You"

 Days that are cold and foggy in the morning leave you sweaty and breathless in the afternoon heat. Kids are back in school but the sense of summer lingers and yet Christmas things are already popping up in the stores.

For months I seem to not sell any of my books.  I carry them with me and chat about them, I write about them and tweet about them and work on the next ones but very little happens.  Then that too, changes.  I have a copy with me and don't mention it, and someone asks me if he can look at it.  Then a week later he tells me, "Well, I have bad news.  I can't give your book back" but that is because he gave it to the school district with the directions to order him a set of 36 for his class and the suggestion that it should be taught by all the 5th grade teachers in the district.  Then while I'm still smiling over that, a teacher from another school mentions that she is using the same book as a read-aloud to her class.  I know it is still baby steps, but that is perfect for Double Time on The Oregon Trail because this huge continent was crossed one baby step at a time.

 So while I welcome fall with jars of home canned blackberry jam and stacks of firewood stored up in the hope of defeating the cold ahead. While I stock up on candles for the inevitable dark, and stroll on the beach in a last celebration of warmth and light - I think about change and progress.  I think that the old, "the more things change the more they stay the same," is proven true once again.

 Every October I feel the same changes happening, new but steadfastly familiar as the earth repeats a pattern ancient and sure.  Every October I turn nostalgic and compare where I am to where I was and where I hope to go.  I work with the kids at school and realize I once taught their parents.  I write my stories and take my pictures and tell the people in my life that I adore them.  I know each October finds a few new people in my life and a few old ones missing, but I carry them in my heart and take the baby steps toward the day when i get to hold them in my arms once more.

Perceptions of Time

When I look around the world it is easy to see that I am not the only one with problems, But I found a great quote

"Understand that most problems are a good sign. Problems indicate that progress is being made, wheels are turning, you are moving toward your goals. Beware when you have no problems. Then you've really got a problem... Problems are like landmarks of progress."
Scott Alexander

I can see the truth in that. If I didn't have a home I was living in and food to eat, I wouldn't worry about house payments, broken water heaters and dirty dishes.

Here we are at Friday, and my school is facing a three day weekend. Jonathan Roche, the incredible personal fitness Guru at NoExcusesWorkouts is always going on about perception and how it changes everything. I started thinking about my perception of time. A three day weekend sounds long and luxurious, but when we have two weeks at Christmas, those last three days seem depressingly short, and when we have no school from mid June until Labor day, those last two weeks feel like I am already out of time!

Summer has a lot of problems built is for teachers and children, too much time sometimes, but no money to make it through on, yet when I am working, then often there are 16 hour days, doing things before and after school, and even with money there is no time to do the things I want.

So yes, I am healthier now, and yes, the 25 secrets Jonathan talks about played a big role in that - but the biggest, most important change is to be able to see the gifts in with the stress. I may be either harried or broke, but I can now appreciate the gift of each day, because his group has trained me to look for the bright side first.

Two months or three days? Irrelevant, I always only have today, and that is enough to get the important things accomplished. Love my family, help a child, read a book, write a book. Be ME.