I taught for 23 years and I still have too much credit card debt and no savings and making it until that next September 30 payday looks impossible, even without considering college costs. i have students who loved me, and co-workers who loved me, but I also had that one administrator who told me and everyone else in multiple memos that I was a failure. Those memos will never go away. Grrr.
My Mom may have health issues turning scary and I an't even afford to go visit her this summer even though I have not been there in 2 years.
My house would never appraise for what I still owe on it but it is too big for us, and winters in it are miserably cold, and it hasn't been painted or re-roofed in the 16 years we've been here and it had termites when we bought it so some window sills are more potting soil than wood.
WHO NEEDS MORE BOOKS? There are more books in the world than anyone can ever read anyway.
And there you have it. The voices in my head that talk to me from one day to the next.
I am not exactly religious, and think I'd love to believe in god way more than I actually do believe in him/her. Yet I do have a strange faith that I am being taken care of. I know that every time I need something, I get it, but every time I find a surplus it vanishes. Can you believe in the manna for a day provisions, without believing in a God who provides it?
It is a beautiful world, when you open your eyes looking for beauty. It is scary and dark when you go looking for that. I don't know, in the end, how other people will judge me
but there have been moments when I have held a loved one close and known that if the rest of my life were horrible, it would all be worth it anyway,
Moments I held my baby brother (who has Down's Syndrome) or played with my other brother, who loved my stories. Moments I held each of my sons and made them laugh. Moments with my husband.