Sometimes I get overwhelmed and depressed, and trying to find a way to connect with other people seems impossible. Lately it has been like that again. The whole world seems to be off its axis, tilting more and more away from being centered. The people in my life who often steady me, suddenly seem to need steadied themselves and I stop feeling like I can draw on their strength, I don't want to add to the burden of their lives.
That is when I look for ways to replenish my strength from something bigger than me. I am lucky, because I only have to step outside to find reminders that there are things much bigger and more eternal and more beautiful than the mind of man can comprehend.
I go to the world looking for beauty, and it is all around me, in the ocean, and redwood tree, yes. But also in the tiny banana slug, and the feather in the wind, and the child sifting through the sand for a sun kissed agate.
Then when I have to return to my home, and my family and the news of the day, I can do so with a well of quiet strength inside me. I can share that beauty and warmth with my family and friends and then quietly sit at the computer, dreaming in words that hopefully bring strength and warmth to a wider world. Yes, I'm an introvert, and sometimes I can't think quickly enough to get the words right in a conversation, and when I can, that interaction exhausts me, even though I also love it. I love teaching and being in a crowd, especially a crowd of children, but I get drained there, and for me, the quiet thoughtful times when it is just me and a blank page, are when my battery is being recharged.
When I look at the books I like to read, there are often underlying themes of violence and danger, but when I choose what I want to give back to the world, I find the beauty and love and celebrate the differences that make us able to be stronger together than any one of us will ever be alone. The first book I published turns five years old this year, and It still makes me happy that I put the energy into writing it. People who have also learned to love Duffy Barkley tell me that his story has shown them a lot about accepting differences and finding joy together. That is why I write.
