Setting Goals for 2013

Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2013

This year I chose things I know I will get better at, because they are important to me, and because I am already making progress on them, I have written 3 1/2 books, and I have lost 40 pounds and given up soda and started adding in lots of random acts of fitness thanks to Jonathan Roche and The No Excuses Workouts.

I do live in a beautiful place where getting outside is a Joy

I do Treasure my Family but the miles between us makes it a bit more effort to keep those connections alive now. 

Balance, Well, sometimes, but not so much in my bank balance, so that is the focus this year.

 Do I love New Year's and the Resolutions to do things differently and better?  Well, yes and no.  Rather than going out to a party, I love going inside with my journal and reading notes and essays and lists from previous years. But I see that a lot of the things stay the same from year to year without change.  That is good and bad.  It means I hold the same values but also that I have the same problems. A couple of times I have followed the suggestion I saw years ago in a "Better Homes and Gardens" magazine that suggests not writing what you want to do, but making a list of 100 things you tolerate, small things that sap your time and energy if you don't deal with them.  That has worked well for me, I can always go back and check off several that I did deal with and feel empowered even as I move some to the new list.  I have gotten rid of a lot of the specific piles of clutter I've written about and done some of the maintenance tasks on house and car and marriage, because, yep, even after 30 years together, there needs to be time and effort in maintaining that closeness, especially as out role changes from family with children, to couple with grown adults who sometimes visit.

 Last year I chose only one thing to focus on, one small three letter word that I wanted to have be at the heart of the first and last thoughts in my mind every day. JOY!  That was a wonderful change in attitude for me because I often tended to walk around with a cloud of worries and anger.  Now i habitually find the good before The bad thoughts even start. If I panic over the money, I start to breath and tell myself, "for today, you have everything you need, yesterday you did too, trust that you will Tomorrow as well."

 So I have found Joy and beauty all around me, even in the worn and abandoned house down the street.  It is lovely in a strange, mysterious way I think.

 This year I am looking with Wonder on the giant stumps on the former Redwood logging camp land where I live, and thinking of how things change over time, but how those changes can let in the sun and bring wonder and growth too.

I see my blind dog trusting that he is safe if one of us is near and realize that we are a lot like that dog, we don't see all the things that are in out world, but if we can trust that we will be Ok, we usually will be.

So a year of Joy, Wonder, Balance and Storytelling for me. Blessings to you,


Love,

 Dixie

Rain, Money, Worries and Being Mom

 Today is Tuesday, April 3rd. I like today because our school is on spring break, but my husband teaches across the border, 22 miles away but in another state, so his spring break ended the day ours began. What this means is that I woke him up early last week, and his alarm gets my eyes open even though technically I can sleep.

We have had something like 6 to 16 inches of rain this week, varying depending on the part of the county, but still, flooding, roads collapsed or buried under landslides, redwoods falling into power lines because the earth around their roots more closely resembles pudding.

"How Snails hide from the downpour"

I have taken every dry moment to haul firewood, and that means I haven't hauled much, but got three wheelbarrow loads yesterday. Since that is my only means of heating the house, it has to be done and it is good exercise too.  A few years back I realized I needed it more than my boys and husband and asked them to let me do the wood hauling as I was afraid that if they "took care of me" I would not be able to do it by the time the boys moved out.

the day the Rhododendrons began to open, the rain attacked them

I wish that my mind did not slow down when the grey skies dominate, but I can feel that it does.  Depression is a fight to avoid and the momentum falters.  I walk around in a warm house with food and family in abundance, and yet the fear of lacking something we need.  The financial news and the bills I have coming in, combine to terrify me and make me wish I could re-do all my choices.

Go tell Aunt Rhodie

a young flicker searching for slugs and worms after the rain

If only I had stayed working full time instead of writing my two books (Non-money makers but oh so fun) and instead of being a parent volunteer, maybe I'd be in a place where there is black ink instead of bills?  I HATE MONEY!  But I have rarely been so freaked out by it.  I wake up at night worrying, feeling my heart racing and my face going numb from adrenalin.  Two kids ready to start their college or adult life, and Me wanting to give them an easy time, but all I can give them is a hug and a prayer.

If it is possible to force yourself to live happier, to expect plenty, and to manifest that plenty into your life by expecting windfalls, that is how I have lived my life.  I knew I would always have enough, not worrying from day to day, and sure enough, exactly what I needed would appear.  Why is it harder to have that trust for my sons?

But let me recommend the book which has helped me when times are darkest.  Pam Young wrote one about getting out of Debt and living joyfully.  It is called, The Get Out Of Debt Book (GOOD Book) and I listen to it again and again when I feel my hope fading, & I end up looking at what I have instead of living in my fears.

 http://www.innerkiddies.com/shop/?wpsc-product=the-get-out-of-debt-book-e-book

The rain creates waterfalls all through the canyon

Yes, snow.  The first I have seen in 12 months, fell on April Fool's Day