Friday, February 1, 2013

Rays of Sunshine

     February is a month that always seems to slow me down and wear me out and leave me back in the bog of depression which I usually manage to avoid most of the year.  The cold that seeps into my bones and never leaves has settled in quite deeply by February, meaning that is I have any free time, I use it sitting by the wood stove, under blankets, or in a bath tub of very hot water.
 Even when the sun is up, there is often an all day fog or cloud cover that keeps it from feeling like there is any light.
 And I tend to make very bad choices about what to eat.  I might as well have an IV line from the coffee pot to my brain, with a plate of sugar always at my side.  I hibernate and give in to depression and the little things like the normal ebb and flow of income versus bills suddenly feels overwhelming.
 So this year I have made it through January with a bit more energy and a few more smiles than a lot of years.  i have taken my camera outside and played with the different modes, and walked my son's dog and worked a lot for the school district.

 I have no written much, or at all really, the blog sits there taunting me with the fact that the daily readers are reading posts I put up years ago, but not finding anything new.

 I need to work on the book I started in November and on the research for the next Double Time novel, because they will never be as familiar to me again, as the Oregon trail one was.
 I think we have been living with "Dementor Weather."  It has been cold and foggy and sucks the warmth and hope right out of me, but then along comes a beam of sunlight and I find that there is still some promises left to raise my hopes and eyes to the future again.

I need the equivalent of an Elizabethan Collar to keep me from digging at those thoughts that keep me feeling listless and sad.  I need to remember that the hibernation urge is a real part of the annual cycle and will be forgotten again in the spring sunshine.  I need to remember that there is purpose and growth in the dark, sleepy days and a conserving of energy to allow us to keep going another year.

I have goals that I set at the beginning of the year, and I've made progress on them.  I've paid the bills for one month after another, somehow.  I've been surrounded by wonders and people who love me.  Life is Good actually pretty great, and sometimes you just have to focus on what you have before you miss it and it becomes what you had instead.

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